I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
