My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
