u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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