who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
