just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
