if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
