he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
