my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
