I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
