nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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