just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
