If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
