i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
