I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
