the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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