I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
