let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
