You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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