So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
