Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
