Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
