There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He felt like a one man threesome
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I want a musical about memes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
