I'm drive I can fine osifer
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
