I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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