Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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