i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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