I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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