I think I died a long time ago.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
