Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
