I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
