Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
