So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
