I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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