Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
