what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
