Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
