Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
