So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
