Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
