Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
