What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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