census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
