wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
