Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
