dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize