My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drunk is not a location!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
