He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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