the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
