I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
