your thong is hanging out like whoa
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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