i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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