Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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