My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
